How to get to know your hair better

And a few favorites that work across shapes and textures

When I lived in New York in the early 2000s, one of my favorite pastimes was trying out the hairstylists, estheticians, brow experts, and makeup artists deemed “best of the best” by Allure and New York Magazine (which I think were considered the best of the “best of the best” lists at the time). I found most of these people, like Julia March and Paulo Siqueira, to be extraordinary. There’s nothing quite like a New Yorker at the top of their game.

It took me a little while to find my favorite hairstylist, though. The first one I visited was on the cusp of fame due to his work with Gisele Bündchen, and I was so excited to see him: who doesn’t want hair like Gisele’s? I had all kinds of mad visions of getting a cut that would magically allow me to run out the door with wet hair, lightly coated with a miracle product he’d recommend; it would dry, obediently, with zero frizz, while I walked to work and picked up a cappuccino on the way, such that my arrival at the office would elicit exclamations of “Love the hair! Fabulous, fabulous!” And it would just fall into place like that every day, and I would save so much time, energy, and angst, forevermore.

I sat in his chair—trembling with anticipation not unlike that of my highly enthusiastic puppy when he sees me pull out his favorite treats—while he assessed my strands. His verdict: “You’d be a great candidate for Japanese straightening. That’s really what you need for this frizz if you want to wash and go.” I needed to restructure my hair? Inwardly, I thought, “But—but—what about what you did for Gisele? And what about the secret miracle product I’ve envisaged?” Outwardly, I kept my mouth shut because I already knew what another stylist would tell me later:

“Listen. Everyone wants hair like Gisele’s. But what they don’t understand is that her hair? It just does that. She doesn’t even have to try.”

Oh, hair. We always want the kind we don’t have. Yet here we are with the hair we’re dealt... along with its own occasionally diabolical agenda.

Our hair might be one of our most consistent and impossible-to-ignore tutors for this connected set of lifelong practices:

• figuring out who we are,

• accepting the ways in which that definition will inevitably change, and

• understanding that the “ultimate ideal” of the moment doesn’t need to be our own.

Since hair has been on my mind—we just got a massive shipment of Italian hair products at Ayla yesterday afternoon—I thought I’d share a few tips to help you figure out who you are, hair-wise, right now. Because once you know that, it’s a lot easier to figure out what you need.

Things I suggest knowing about your hair

1. Its shape (sometimes referred to as its “type”)

These choices are pretty straightforward. Most haircare brands use this menu:

• Straight (from pin-straight to almost wavy)

• Wavy (ranging from loose and beachy to s-shaped waves)

• Curly (ringlets or spirals with bounce)

• Coiled (very tight curls ranging from loops to zigzag spirals)

Keeping this in mind will help you choose the best products and styling techniques to get the results you want.

2. Its texture

Usually, there are three choices on this menu:

• Fine (each strand can barely be felt; as a whole, feels soft and silky; tends to struggle with volume, oiliness, tangles, and/or breakage)

• Medium (somewhere in the middle; usually feels smooth and can be fairly easily coaxed into a style)

• Thick (each strand feels thick and/or coarse; holds styles well and feels strong and resilient; tends to struggle with dryness)

This can be a little tougher to figure out, but you’ll usually know if your hair is fine or thick. If you’re not entirely sure, you probably fall in the “medium” bucket, since many people do.

Your texture can guide you towards specific styles or cuts, but it can also be helpful as you sort through which hair care and styling products to use, how frequently to use them, and how much of them to use. Often, but not always, fine hair needs to be washed more frequently and use less product, while thick hair requires less frequent washing and more product. Fine and medium hair generally work best with lighter styling product textures, while thick hair can handle richer, heavier ones.

3. Its scalp condition

You could go in all kinds of directions here, but start with this menu:

• Oily

• Balanced

• Dry

Understanding your scalp condition can help you determine how frequently to wash it and which types of shampoos to select. If your scalp is oily, you can wash it more, using more deep-cleansing shampoos. If it’s dry, you can wash it less frequently, using more hydrating shampoos. If it’s balanced, you can probably stick to an every-other-day washing routine with whatever shampoo seems fun and exciting to you.

4. Specific concerns

The most common tend to be dryness, damage, frizz or puffiness, hair loss, itchy/flaky scalp, and lack of volume. Most of these can be addressed with hair care and styling products as well as tools and styling techniques. These concerns might also change with some regularity depending on your age, your lifestyle, your routines, and your environment.

You can get more granular with all of this, but by and large, I think this is all you really need to know.

But, just to keep you on your toes, all of this is subject to change

For example:

• With age, you might find that your hair density decreases (due to a shortening growth phase that doesn’t keep pace with the rate at which each strand of hair naturally falls out), making volume a greater concern.

• You might also find that your scalp becomes less oily, and your hair becomes coarser and more wiry-feeling as a result.

• Also coarser, more wiry-feeling, and somewhat unruly: gray hair, whether it’s covered with color or not.

• At the same time, because individual strand thickness tends to decline over time, you may find that your previously thick or medium-textured hair becomes finer with age.

• Hormonal shifts of all kinds can also affect hair density and hair type, rendering curls and waves either softer or tighter.

UV exposure, years of chemical treatments or heat styling, stress of various flavors, and myriad genetic, environmental, and lifestyle factors could also jump into the game—mixing things up, keeping you guessing, and possibly requiring regular experimentation with hair products. Which, hopefully, could be fun for you?

Well, just know that your hair will change, and that’s part of it all.

An experiment you can try at home to get to know your current hair better

We all lead busy lives and want our hair to look great as often as possible, so I’d save this experiment for a low-key weekend or staycation:

For two days, let your hair go wild.

• The first morning, wash your hair with a shampoo and conditioner that you like, air-drying it without any styling or treatment products. Try not to touch it as it dries, then take a peek. What does it look like? How does it feel?

• Take a note of its texture, shape, and any specific concerns (lack of volume, frizz, dryness). Notice how your scalp feels, too. Comfortable? Itchy? Already getting a little oily towards evening?

• Then, on the second day, if your scalp feels or looks greasy when you wake up, you’ll know that your scalp probably falls on the oilier side of the range. If it feels itchy, it’s likely on the drier side.

If this all sounds totally obvious to you and you’re rolling your eyes, thinking, “What is she even talking about? I know my hair,” you can just run with what you know. But I’m guessing a good number of us would learn at least a little something by doing this, especially after piling on multiple products and using multiple tools for some time.

I certainly would have learned something if I’d done this experiment when I lived in New York and received my Japanese straightening suggestion. By the time I found a stylist to stick with (Terri Fellows, who now lives in Colorado), I’d battled my hair for so long—trying to get it back to the sleek, straight hair of my youth, when it followed in my mom’s Thai footsteps—that when she said, “Your hair is curly, you know,” my (tense! So tense) jaw hit the floor. I had no idea that, over the course of a few years, it had sidled up more closely to the other half of my ethnicity, dipping its toes into the intriguing world of Irish curls.

(You wouldn’t know it from the photo above, would you? That took a strong blow-drying arm and some excellent products. Despite all that I know about my hair, I still like how it looks when it’s straight.)

A few suggestions that I’ve found to work for a lot of different hair types

While I can usually offer some “these guidelines work for almost everyone” tips where skin is concerned, hair’s endless permutations and combinations make that impossible. Instead, I’ll offer a few tips that tend to work for most:

Brush your hair at night. This helps stimulate growth-boosting circulation and will distribute oils from your scalp through the ends of your hair, where you want it to be. I suggest brushing at night because, if your scalp tends to be oily, it can create a flatter effect at the crown of the head; you’ll generally find that you get a natural bedhead-y lift at the crown overnight to counteract this.
I adore this brush and have used that same kind for about a decade, replacing it every two years. If you have curls you don’t want to disrupt, you can use a similar brush made for the scalp, like this one. (I have that one, too, and keep it at my desk for a little scalp massage from time to time. I have all kinds of little goodies at my desk.)

Plain argan oil is a workhorse, with multiple uses for multiple hair types. If you struggle with dryness or frizz, it can be fantastic regardless of your hair shape or texture: if your hair is fine, for example, apply it after conditioning, and give your hair a rinse to avoid having too much of the oil weighing down your hair. If your hair is thick, apply it with greater abandon in the shower (either before or after rinsing your conditioner) or after it’s dry (to nourish and define waves or curls). I’ve loved Kahina’s gorgeous one for over 15 years.

Masks are magnificent, especially if you have longer hair. Like face masks, many of us often think of them as “nice to haves,” but especially as you age, a great hair mask can help make styling easier and allow you to use far fewer products. (Asking your styling products to make up for thirsty hair is a tall order.)

Biofficina Toscana’s shampoos, conditioners, and hair mask are particularly magical. It’s a crazy hassle to get these products to San Francisco from Tuscany, but it’s so worth it. I’ve heard from several fans that switching to this brand seems to have slowed their rate of hair loss significantly; while this is anecdotal, and there’s no specific wonder ingredient I can point towards to explain it, I do think the brand in general makes for happier, healthier scalps and better-nourished hair.

My personal favorite among their hair treatments and styling products: the Anti-Frizz Lotion. Every time we get a shipment, I hoard several bottles for myself. On my rebellious hair—which my longtime SF stylist, Sue Ko, diplomatically describes as “powerful, and getting more powerful every year”—it’s the one product I can’t go without.

PS If you’re looking for more summer hair tips, you might like this post about air-drying hair. That towel is also a must!